Why losing weight has nothing to do with your self-esteem

Many dieters have experienced the cycle of determination and regret that comes with trying to slim down. You start your morning off declaring that today is the day you will start to eat healthier, only to be hitting the vending machine by lunchtime—and getting down on yourself soon after, convinced that if you only loved yourself more you could conquer your impulses. If this sounds all too familiar, it’s time to start changing your dynamic with food.

How can you break the cycle? Start by scrapping the misconception that low self-esteem, caused by excess weight or underlying emotional issues, leads to poor food choices, says Dr. Susan Peirce Thompson, New York Times best-selling author and founder of Bright Line Eating. In fact, it’s the other way around.

When someone promises to change their eating habits and ends up succumbing to eating junk food, it appears that the person is undermining themselves. “On the surface it looks like an act of self-harm or self-betrayal,” Dr. Thompson explains. “We don’t generally harm or betray people unless there’s something [wrong], like lack of love or an underlying psychological issue.” But the truth is much more complex than that.

This is your brain on a diet

Why is the brain giving you such powerful cues to eat foods you vowed to avoid just a few hours ago? A huge part of responsibility falls on leptin, the hormone that tells us we’re full and to stop eating. The problem occurs when there is leptin resistance. “Essentially, there is plenty of leptin circulating in a person’s system, but the brain doesn’t recognize it due to high insulin levels and inflammation,” Dr. Thompson explains.

“For people who have leptin resistance, they might think that they have a say [on what they’re eating], but they really don’t,” Dr. Thompson says. “Because without leptin, they never feel full and the brain is continually cuing the body to eat.”

And those cues are powerful. For example: no matter how hard you try to hold your breath, at a certain point, when your brain deems that it’s not getting the oxygen it needs, it will push you to inhale. You do not have a choice in the matter.

“Food is hardwired like that,” says Dr. Thompson. “If your brain is convinced that you don’t have enough fuel on board, or if you’ve reduced the amount of food [to the point] that it has decided is dangerous, it will force you to eat.” Your mind will then spin a whole slew of justifications about why you should scarf down that delivery or fast food – like how you’ve had a long week or you just don’t have time to put together a healthy meal. “When you cave and eat that food, it’s your leptin-resistant brain that’s convinced you need it,” Dr. Thompson says.

This leads to a cycle of a person pledging to start the latest diet, rallying for a bit, having their brain sabotage their plans and eating something unhealthy – then berating themselves for making a mistake.

“The only way to explain that behavior is to conclude that they must not love themselves, must not value themselves, must not care about themselves, because if they did, why would they keep harming themselves?” Dr. Thompson says. Eventually, the person tries to further anesthetize themselves with more food, and the cycle continues.

How to break the cycle

Fortunately, the Bright Line Eating Boot Camp has helped thousands of people snap out of this trap. How? “We give [participants] a very, very clear food plan, with no ambiguity about what kinds of food to eat,” Dr. Thompson explains. “There is no sugar and no flour [in the plan], so what’s going to happen is their insulin levels are going to come down really fast, and three meals a day with nothing in between allows digestion to complete fully.”

Over time (exactly how long depends on the person), leptin once again begins doing its job of telling the brain it’s satiated, and dieters will soon find themselves feeling full and satisfied. “They’re not going to be fighting their psychology anymore,” she says, adding that most people begin seeing significant changes within a week of cutting out sugar- and flour-laced foods.

With the Bright Line Eating plan, a detailed road map of how to assemble meals is laid out. “The goal is to eat only and exactly that,” Dr. Thompson says, including measuring every bit of food down to the ounce. “That creates clarity and integrity,” she says.

Those who have been beating themselves up in the past don’t trust themselves with food anymore, but as they stick to the plan, they begin to rebuild that confidence in themselves. “They hit their head on the pillow and think, ‘Holy Smokes, I just did it,’” Dr. Thompson says. “‘I ate exactly what I said I would, and I feel like a million bucks.’ And so, they rebuild their integrity, brick by brick, one day at a time.”

Thousands of people who have participated in the Bright Line Eating Boot Camp have been able to transform their lives and rebuild their self-esteem via this path, with a healthy dose of community support, Dr. Thompson says. “It frees people up from that incessant chatter in the brain about calories and weight and pounds, so they can really be open to contributing their gifts to the world fully and feeling joyful and peaceful,” she explains. Increased self-esteem isn’t the only benefit. Studies have shown that, for the obese, attaining a normal BMI is shockingly rare—fewer than 1% will achieve it in any given year. But participants in Bright Line Eating Boot Camp have a success rate that is 55 times higher. “If you want to achieve the practically unachievable, you have to find a path that is proven to work, and you have to stick to it precisely,” she says. “You just have to follow the plan.”

Dr. Thompson emphasizes that it’s critical not to short change yourself from trying this new way of eating—even if you’re busy, dealing with a hectic time in your life, or are nervous about making the first step. “I encourage people who really want this to not to sell themselves short and think they can take some kind of short cut,” she says. “If people give me two weeks, they’ll see that everything changes and it’s far more doable than they thought it could be,” she says. “...This is not a program for people who need it, it’s for people who want it.”

Susan Peirce Thompson, Ph.D. is an Adjunct Associate Professor of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at the University of Rochester and author of the New York Times Best-Selling book, Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free.